Are you a Linda (Group 1), Cindy (Group 2) or Naomi (Group 3)?
Group 1 cards: Come to the Edge, Discernment, 2 of Wands.
Message: Sis, I get it like your shaman, Chad, wants you to push your boundaries this week but wearing assless chaps to work on a Casual Friday is pushing it. Gurl, get your shit together. Like I’m all for growth but plot your path carefully and not let the clownery jump out at me.
Group 2 cards: Full Moon In Pisces, Perchance to Dream, The High Priestess
Message: Manifesting your fantasy marriage to Timothée Chalamet into reality is not what I’d call having a “healthy love life”, Mary. Yes the universe is asking you to reach deep inside you and dream big this week, but dream something more grounded into reality that you can ACTUALLY grasp; like hitting up BostonTop69 on Grindr.
Group 3 cards: Dreams, The Hermit, 4 of Swords
Message: Take a fucking chill pill, sis. I get it. You’re mad that you didn’t get that Jeffree Star X Shane Dawson Conspiracy palette on time. But gurl, take a step back and ask yourself: is it really that bad that I didn’t get my way this week? Like, srsly. What’s the worst that can happen? Take several seats and rethink your tantrums. Like srsly. Omfg.