Sometimes, I just can’t with my powers. Like I’ve been reading cards since I was 17 – but always basic questions from basic bitches (aka my friends) on the usual stuff like “Does he really love me?”, “Will I be happy with [insert name of walking dildo]?”, “I found like 50gb of gay porn on my boyfriend’s laptop, is he gay or am I just too suspicious?”
But few months ago, I’ve decided to kick open the cosmic closet door wide open and offer readings to the public, and I’m still shookt at the shit I’m able to decipher from the cards.
One of the notable ones is how I’ve like kinda sorta solved a crime. Uggh. Like my mind, it’s just like too powerful. Sometimes I can’t with myself.
When I snapped out of this amazement, I asked myself: “Is it my destiny to be a crime-solving cartomancer? Is it my life’s journey to single-handedly take down the world’s dangerous criminals and be the cosmic divinator of choice for the world’s governments?”
I channeled these questions to all 69 of my spirit guides but they all left me on read at 2.30am.
I guess I’ll never know.