Weekly Pick-a-Card Messages for Jan 13 – 19

Which Lindsay Lohan era are you? Disney Lindsay (Group 1), Peak Lindsay (Group 2), Messy Lindsay (Group 3).

Decks: The Light Seer’s Tarot, Work Your Light Oracle Cards, Dark Mirror Oracle Cards, Sibilla Della Zingara


Cards: The Empress, Justice (reversed), 7 of Cups (reversed), Ace of Wands, Take a Break, Play, Today for Tomorrow, Colorless Angel, Merchant (reversed), Death, Sighs,Constancy (reversed)

Work’s gonna fuck you in the ass like an aggressive top jackhammering away with no lube. Some bitches in your team or department is going to exploit your mistakes in their favour. OMG is that Susan falling flat on her face this week? LOL soak it all in but don’t exploit it to your favour this week or it’ll blow up in your face. Choices.

Get your thoughts in order, gurl, the universe will throw you a curveball this week and it’s not gonna be welcoming. Get your shit together and focus – questioning if things are going to get worse isn’t going to do much for you.

Whenever I see Justice card in reversed, my anal spincster clenches a little. Then I realise how tight I still am and thank God for the state of my bussy. But cause and effect is the theme this week, sis. Resist the urge to spread rumors about your ex’s new beau to the gay grapevine – it’s not a good look on you. The Empress card with Justice reverse means you’re gonna reap what you sow this week.

Opportunities to network this week will open doors for professional growth. New project will fall into your lap, which requires cooperation from multiple people – even with bitches you just literally can’t. Suck it up cause sacrifices are required this week.

Some of you will be presented with multiple opportunities or an offer which may not be what it appears to be – consult your squad. Don’t let other bitches pull a fast one on you.

Relationship stresses this week but a warning: don’t say shit that will fuck this up more than it already is. Think about consequences – choices, henny.


Cards: Knight of Wands (reversed), Ace of Swords (reversed), Queen of Cups (reversed), 5 of Wands, The Crumbling, Sisterhood of the Rose, Blinded to Pain, Fragmentation, Fortune, Joyfulness (reversed), Journey (reversed), Prison

This week is just as you thought it was going to be – trash. Fights and disagreements seen in work and love.

For some, that one fight with bae is gonna make you question if this is all worth is – have you become blinded by the pain that this level of animosity in a relationship is the norm? Gurl, I can’t with you. What are you clinging on to? DM me his dick pic I wanna see what makes this mess worth putting the crap for. Relationship goals are slowly picked apart and both parties will not be sure if they’re aligned anymore.

At work, an opportunity will be presented to you but it makes you question whether this is all worth it. Assess if this new responsibility is aligned with your goals and life goals.

Cooperation from your colleagues will be challenging this week because you’ll bring your A game but they will not and you’re about to rip Kathy a new one and report that shit to your manager. Bitch you thought. That bitch is as useless as the rest of them. Chill the fuck out, get yourself some soy chai latte and meditate. Ride this bullshit till next week arrives.

Also, when Becky comes to you to bitch about Susan – don’t fucking take sides. Ace of Swords in reversed means your judgement is all fucked up this week. Check your work multiple times and get your colleagues to check through your work cause you’re not gonna be so good with details this week.

On the bright side, fun time with friends seen this week. God knows you need it. Take up the invitation – you’re gonna get laid. But it’s probably gonna be a bad lay. But a dicking is a dicking. You need it this week.


Cards: Page of Wands (reversed), Knight of Cups, The World, 4 of Swords, Deep Replenishment, Transformation, The Child I Was Meant To Be, Artificial Heart, Falseness (reversed), Service (reversed), Thoughts (reversed), Lord

At work, there will be someone new in power that may present themselves as your friend. But don’t trust this bitch. This bitch is gonna sell you out. Watch your back. Uggh the drama, I can’t what’s with this January energy?

Don’t be lazy at work, y’all. Gurl who is this new bitch? She got more hidden agendas than a Bond girl.

New love interest coming into your life for some. For those already in a relationship, congrats things are being taken to the next level. Whatever the fuck that means.

Shakeup to your work routine this week. Some of you may just wanna say “fuck it”, leave and be like “Uggh I’m meant for so much more than this. I’m legendary. I’m iconique. I’m perfect. I’m beautiful. I look like Linda Evangelista. I won’t put up with this.”

But don’t just yet. Transformation can be good – everything happens in divine timing. You may not see the bigger picture here, so wait.

Stress is on the cards. Call up your shaman and arrange for a reiki healing session AND a chakra realignment session probably with a side of hot yoga. You’re going to need it.

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