Case of the Ex

“Maybe it will work this time”, “He’s changed now”, “I don’t wanna die alone lol”, “That dick was too good for me to let go” – If you’ve succumbed to these delusions about your ex and needs some clarity, this reading is for you.

Pick one of the piles of Locke & Key’s characters: Tyler Locke (Group 1), Bode Locke (Group 2), or Kinsey Locke (Group 3).


Cards: Ace of Swords, Ace of Cups (reversed), Hermit (reversed), The Judge, Sun, Umbrella

Message: Bitch is you a dumb ho? Is you? Bitch you is.

Ace of Swords is a card of warning, asking you to apply critical thinking when it comes to dealing with the delusions that the connection between you and your ex is a strong one.

There’s an energy of needing to realize your self-worth in this pull. Hermit reversed represents not understanding the strength of self or the power one has. This is reinforced by the Oracle Book’s page stating you have more options than you know.

You may think your ex is as good as you can get in love, but this woe-is-me attitude needs to fucking go. It’s depressing. It’s sad. It’s pathetic. It’s unattractive. Will you fuck someone with your view of self-worth? Exactly.

First of all, if you believe in the concept of Twin Flames and this ups and downs and mental abuse is part of the Twin Flame journey, then punch yourself in the cunt. Twin Flames is a bullshit concept. It makes people latch onto wrong people for way too long and losing their sense of worth.

Yes, for those who have a stronger grasp on who they are and their worth, they’ll know when to let go and realise their partner is not a Twin Flame. For the weak-ass bitches like yourself who’s desperate to cling on to whatever shreds of love people throw your way – it can be fucking toxic.

The Sun card asks you to look at the underlying issue at play here: it’s really not about your giving your ex a chance, it’s about you not realising that you need lots of work on yourself. Like Mama Ru likes to say: If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here?

You may not be a Naomi, but most of us aren’t. There’s a need for you to apply good judgement in evaluating your own value and how the world sees you. If you always set other pretty people as a benchmark on what it is to be seen as attractive – then you need to work on yourself, as The Judge card is pointing out in this reading.

Stop going back to past mistakes because you are afraid of being alone or feeling you’re not good enough to get someone better.


Cards: Four of Wands (reversed), 10 of Cups (reversed), Emperor (reversed), The Vow, The Numinous, Uranus

Message: This is fucking interesting. These cards are fucking intense. There are underlying energies of failures on both parties to uphold the commitment to the best of your abilities, and energies of unfinished business with 10 of Cups reversed.

Perhaps the timing wasn’t right? Both were young, dumb and full of cum? Maybe there were no structures in place? You foolishly thought love is all you need for a relationship to work?

Four of Wands reversed in a reading like this usually indicates unfulfilled relationship goals. And another meaning to it is that it is a relationship that has to undergo a hiccup before it becomes more committed in the future.

With the 10 of Cups reversed, there’s a feeling of disappointment over the rocky past relationship. It also has an additional meaning of someone harboring an unhealthy view of love that blocked the union from achieving happiness in its full potential.

Here’s the thing. How bad do both of you want to get back together? If you both want to make this work – you bitches need to put in the fucking work. You both need to overhaul expectations, perspectives of past actions and philosophy on what makes a relationship work.

The Vow card picks up on energies of needing to realize what it is what both of you saw in each other that made you fall in love? What promises and dreams did both of you share that you’d like to materialize? The card is all about putting in the effort to map out what didn’t work the first time and how you both have grown and will make it work this time around.

This is not the energy of two people hitting the play button after a long pause. That will not fly and old issues stemming from lack of structure will cause this union to crumble again. This is reinforced by the Oracle Book’s Uranus card, warning you to “change your life forever”.

Unfortunately, the end result is heavily dependent on the groundwork laid by both of you should you resume this union. The Numinous is all about the unknown, usually affected by elements of “reaping what you sow” instead of one solid predicted end result.

If one party will not change or can’t see their part in the failure of this relationship in the past – forget it.


Cards: Empress (reversed), Tower (reversed), 7 of Cups, The Cave, Pisces, Avoid It Like The Plague

Message: I feel like you’re the cunt who ended this union because at the time you felt like you could do better. Like most of those cunts, you realize that you literally can’t LMAO

It’s called Karma – learn it. Live it. Accept it.

With the Empress reversed paired with Tower reversed, you realized at the time that the relationship is pretty much done because you feel like you’re not given the amount of love or attention you’re due. And that you yearn for someone who can give you that whirlwind of romance you desperately seek.

If this describes your ex rather than you – forgive! Forgive, darling. My point still stands – one of you just wasn’t feeling emotionally fulfilled and nurtured back then.

7 of Cups here with the previous two cards show that one party has other offers that they’ve been considering when they’re already committed. They made their choice and they made the wrong one. Pisces card here also suggests the energy of escapism, someone who deals with problems by running instead of solving the issue at hand.

If this is you – have you grown up since then? If it’s your ex – are you really willing to take the risk for them to potentially run away again? Have they made much progress in personal growth? If not, seek the advice of the Oracle Book: AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE.

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