Monthly Pick-a-Card Messages for March 2020

Which RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 12 queen are you? Gigi Goode (Group 1), Sherry Pie (Group 2), or Jaida Essence Hall (Group 3)?

Disclaimer: Uggh, keep in mind that this is a general reading for groups of people, so lots of energies came through. As a reader, when I channel the messages, I always seek the most urgent ones to appear for each group. You may not resonate with all of the messages in one group, so don’t be bummed out if you expect February to be a stellar month and you found out that your man is going to leave you for your twin sister. Like gurl, seriously, it’s not a personal reading, so get real. If you want a personal reading, fucking pay up. If not, shut the fuck up. I literally can’t with this sense of entitlement. Also I will not be held accountable for the decisions you make based on my cards.


Brugel Tarot: 6 of Swords (reversed), Moon (reversed), King of Pentacles, Justice (reversed), Temperance, Queen of Pentacles
Sibilla della Zingara: Lover (reversed), Room (reversed), Haughtiness
Numerology Guidance Cards: 33
Vintage Wisdom Oracle: Protection

How not to fuck up your career: You can drop the “woe is me” attitude because March brings transformation in your luck at work. Too good to be true? Actually yeah, there’s a catch LOL.

6 of swords reversed here shows turbulent times ahead – so put your big girl/boy pants on and get ready to rough it out in the first half of March. Usually with the 6 of Swords there’s always some reprieve, so expect stresses to ease gradually as the month ends.

With the Moon in reversed next to 6 of Swords though, there’s a tendency for your vision to be clouded, impairing your judgement. Don’t default to victim mode and feel helpless – seriously, what good does it do aside from making you look incompetent?

Know and trust that the Universe will lift the burden off you at work at the appointed time. The King of Pentacles comes to the rescue, showing reward is coming for the effort put into your work. But the King of Pentacles also represents the energy of being rigid and dogmatic – a reminder to be as adaptable as possible at work to handle whatever that comes your way. Especially with the Room card in reversed, March will definitely pull you out of your comfort zone.

The card 33 asks you to put a heavy emphasis on your interpersonal communication this Month. Before you shoot out a passive-aggressive email to Karen from Finance, just take a step back and ask yourself if the momentary win is worth the long-term effect of how you’ll be perceived by your peers. Trust me, nothing feels good then lighting up at some ho who disrespects you. But in the month of March, your communication style will have a rippling effect on your career progression in the coming months.

Are you being watched by higher-ups for a career step up? Well, bitch how are you gonna be a leader when you keep getting triggered over silly little things? Think of the big picture – lose small battles to win the war.

Watch your words carefully, especially with the water cooler talk as the card 33 with Lovers reversed and Room reversed can indicate colleagues who will snitch on you and give your reputation a dent. Trust no bitch. But you already know those snakes can’t be trusted anyway.

By the end of March, you’ll realize that all those tears, blood and sweat are worth it. With Haughtiness in the reading, there’s a possibility of receiving a reward for a well-executed project. Recognition, henny.

How not to fuck up your love life: Here’s the thing. With Justice in reversed, there’s a tendency for a person to be intentionally blinded by the truth and believe what fits their narrative. And if there’s a recurring theme in your love life that results in you still being single, then perhaps it’s time you actually wake the fuck up and break the pattern.

Since this segment of the reading is for singles-who-mingle, I’d assume you’re desperate to not be alone and have someone to parade to your friends to show that you’re not a sad, lonely person who’ll end up living with 20 cats.

Uggh. I’m not sure what exactly you’re in denial of, but there are strong elements of self-delusions with Justice reversed appear in a reading with Temperance. It’s like you’re deluding yourself with a narrative of why you’re always unsuccessful in a relationship, and the Temperance energy is one of finding a common ground to settle a dispute, translating to you coming up with excuses to justify your behavior.

You don’t need to be with someone to feel complete, but with you, there’s a strong energy of needing to be intimate with someone but it just isn’t working out (Lovers reversed).

The reading is pretty similar to the other group, but the energy here is more about you enabling toxicity from the people you’re with as indicated by the Room in reversed. And in March, there’s a possibility that it will happen again, which is why the Universe is asking you to cut that shit out.

Have you been making up excuses for the people you were in a relationship with to justify their bad behavior? Have you turned a blind eye and assumed you were overthinking their hurtful actions? Don’t drink poison because you’re thirsty. Also, the energy you give out attracts predatorial people who keep exploiting your sense of denial. Also, people recognize energies and healthy people want to be other well-balanced people.

This applies to kinksters who identify as subs. Bitch, enjoying powerplay is not the same as being exploited (Protection card).

With the Queen of Pentacles appearing in a reading, there’s a need for “resource management” in your love life. There’s a need to scrutinize the behavioral patterns of both you and the people you’ve been with and look at the common issues that keep popping up. Then eliminate them.

Then love will come. For now, work on You.

How not to fuck up your relationship: Trouble brewing in paradise? Perhaps a little ego check is in order.

Everyone wants to be right all the time, but this is a relationship and one person’s needs are not worth more than the other’s. With Justice in reversed, there’s a sense that built-up tension in a relationship is due to one person’s inability to see things beyond their way.

The Temperance energy is asking one of you to reach an understanding so you both can enjoy this union on an equal playing field.

If you’re the selfish one here – mawma what is you doing, ho? Why do you insist on lording over your partner like that? The Haughtiness card is asking you to reign it in a bit and not let pride ruin a good thing. If it’s your partner dictating on how the relationship should be at your emotional and psychological expense, then you need to open up communication (card no 33) and tell them that your needs are being neglected (Protection card).

By the way, this relationship is not ending soon.


Brugel Tarot: King of Cups (reversed), Hanged Man (reversed), 8 of Swords (reversed), 2 of Cups (reversed), Knight of Wands (reversed), 2 of Pentacles
Sibilla della Zingara: Thief (reversed), Melancholy, Soldier
Numerology Guidance Cards: 91
Vintage Wisdom Oracle: Enchantment

How not to fuck up your career: Calm yo tits, ho. I feel like all three groups will be facing some form of stressful situations this month at work. For you, mantra this month will be 5Gs – Good God, Gurl, Get a Grip!

Emotions will be triggered at work with the King of Cups in reversed. Emotional stability is key to get past any struggles you may face. Take note that keeping a cool head when confronted with difficult individuals is highlighted.

Watch out for doubts and self-undoing through negative thinking as indicated by 8 of Swords. We al go through peaks and valleys at work. Some days you’re a star, some days you can’t seem to shake off mistakes after mistakes, making you feel like you’re the worst person ever. Like ever. Well, first of all whore, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Nobody is watching your every move. There are people in your organization that fuck up even more than you. So get over yourself, pick yourself up and do better. Moping about it doesn’t solve shit and the Soldier card is asking you to soldier on.

For some, luck may not be on your side sadly. We all know retrenchment tends to hit hard in the first quarter of the year and if you’re one of the unlucky ones who has gotten the pink slip – calm down, it’s not the end of the world. With the Thief card in reversed and Melancholy combined with King of Cups in reversed, there’s a “sadness due to loss in fortune” aspect that is highlighted.

The card 91 comprises of two numbers – 9, representing completion, and 1, starting of something new. So chin up, hunty. Things are looking up for you. Acknowledge the self-doubt of 8 of Swords and overcome that to move yourself mentally out of a rut. Combined, the numerological value of 91 calls for surrender. There’s a divine timing element to this and know that when one opportunity closes, another one opens.

Perhaps it isn’t so much of a loss in your current job but a loss of an opportunity that you’ve been waiting to receive and got benched yet again. Maybe a new gig you’ve been waiting to get that is significantly better than what you have now didn’t fall through. Maybe you’re met with rejection for that promotion you’ve been gunning for.

For others, the King of Cups and Hanged Man both in reversed are also a command to take action now if you’ve been deciding between offers for a new job. Be sure to take the Hanged Man’s advice and make an objective decision on what works best for you.

Do not let your emotions get in the way of making a choice you will regret later. With the King of Cups looking around in the reading, there’s a tendency to have your emotions swayed by future employers who promise you the sun and the moon.

If it sounds too good to be true – it sure is. If someone you know has a hand in helping you get one of the offers presented, remove emotions out of the equation as the decision made has to take into account your long-term career goals.

How not to fuck up your love life: Would you look at that – a wild card appears! The Knight of Wands in reversed is the card of sweeping you off your feet, leaving you get caught up in the whirlwind of emotions and sensations that you can’t seem to keep your cool about it.

You may meet more than one person this month who will give your clit that sweet sweet tingle. But tread carefully as the Knight of Wands in reversed has a destabilizing effect on your life. It’s one thing to be inspired by bad boys in romcoms who turn out to be emotionally stable, but in the real world, that isn’t always the case.

Especially with the 2 of Cups in an afflicted position, there’s an energy of shallow connection in the people you’re connecting with this month. Note that this doesn’t mean everyone you’re dating this month will be like this – but the ones who will do the most damage that will alter the course of your love life will manifest the “destabilizing” energy mentioned above. Like always, I pick energies that are most urgent in the different aspects of your life for you to pay attention to.

With the 2 of Pentacles appearing in a reading, there’s a need for you to juggle your emotions and your deep needs. If you’re a sucker for drama, put Zara Larsson’s Ruin My Life on loop and start fucking up your life by toxic men with big dicks. You reap what you fucking sow.

Avoid being too emotionally invested in people you date too soon. The Soldier card from the Sibilla della Zingara card usually stands for love-em-and-leave-em type of people. With the Thief card in reversed, the energy I pick up on is that they’re not doing this maliciously, it’s just in their nature to not be reliable and emotionally stable. They unintentionally steal your heart before moving on to the next one.

With the Enchantment oracle card, there’s a warning to heed: avoid being so lost in the romanticism of having someone sweeping you off your feet that you fail to grasp reality.

How not to fuck up your relationship: Disagreements. Arguments. Out of sync. These are some issues that will be popping up for those who are paired up.

It sucks doesn’t it, when it feels like you’ve both shifted out of the honeymoon phase and into the real world. Bitch what do you expect? A relationship filled with eternal happiness, always in agreement and everything just comes out rosy and sweet? That’s not realistic. That’s a mental illness.

No one is that happy all the fucking time. Friction and disagreement are part of the process of having a strong relationship – you’re dealing with two souls with freewill, of course there will be minor clashes here and there.

The question is, will this be a dealbreaker or will this be something that you both are willing to fix? 2 of Pentacles here shows an energy of struggle, juggling between options and trying to make things work.

Misunderstandings can always be cleared with an open communication as long as the fundamentals of your relationships are not clashing.

With the Thief in reversed and Melancholy, avoid hitting below the belt when having arguments – sometimes words can really fuck things up beyond repair, leaving both of you wounded. Chances of recovery can be slim.


Brugel Tarot: 8 of Cups, Page of Swords (reversed), Ace of Pentacles, Hierophant, Lovers (reversed), Emperor
Sibilla della Zingara: Pleasure-seekers, Joyfulness, Doctor (reversed)
Numerology Guidance Cards: 57
Vintage Wisdom Oracle: Compassion

How not to fuck up your career: Well, well well. The consequences of your actions called – she said you had it coming. Just after she gloats, your lucky star snatched the phone and said: “Bitch, she thought.”

Thank the universe for throwing a safety net for work hiccups you’ll be experiencing in March. Before you throw in the towel and say “I’m literally done”, take a step back and look at what the big fucking deal is.

Maybe you’ve been coasting a bit at work and suddenly things are piling up and it feels too much to handle. Maybe you haven’t been performing at your best and the slipups are getting apparent. Are those mistakes career-ending? Are you completely alone with no help from your support network? Bitch, no. Stop being dramatic.

Numerological card 57 is asking you to pause and reflect on what can be learned and improved in stressful situations at work. You may not see it now but this is karmically put in front of you for your professional growth. Dealing with difficult clients or overwhelming tasks are not good reasons to quit your job.

With the Page of Swords in reversed, the energy of not seeing things clearly is picked up here. Bitch nobody said you have to handle it alone. Seek help. There’s no shame in asking those around you to jump in and share their expertise and alleviate some of the stresses you’re experiencing at work this month.

Your mind is a little foggy this month and hey – we all have our bad day, week, month – uggh year.

The Universe is throwing you a bone later in the month with the Ace of Pentacles – but work for it. Ask and ye shall receive, right? So why suffer alone?

You’ll be surprised at the amount of help coming to your rescue at the moment when you need it.

Lots of learning required this month. Even if you think you’ve been at your job for years and there is nothing else to learn – this month will throw you that sweet curveball to keep you on your toes. Ainsi sera, groigne qui groigne.

The Universe isn’t torturing you, henny, it’s not a sadistic dom on FetLife. It’s preparing you for something bigger. You can’t see it yet – but your bosses certainly are, as indicated by Doctor card in reversed. How you handle this will have a huge impact on what you’ll be receiving in the coming months.

Is that a promotion? A pay raise? Maybe even getting noticed by a competitor down the road. Who fucking knows!

How not to fuck up your love life: Here’s the thing. You’ve played the game by the rules and shit’s not happening the way you want it to be. Where’s the Prince Charming? Where’re my 2 ½ kids and a house with white picket fences?

“Gurl! Where. Is. my. Husband?!”

Listen, ho. Divine timing – heard of it? I can’t tell from the cards pull when exactly you’re going to meet The One ™. Sis, stop being so desperate, it’s pathetic.

Hierophant with Lovers reversed is saying that how you’ve done things when it comes to love just isn’t working. You want to meet your Prince Charming right? Are you actually mingling or eating a bag of potato chips while watching NetFlix and hoping that the right one will climb through your window and present himself into your bedroom? 5Gs (Good God Gurl, Get a Grip).

With the Emperor card after those two cards, there’s a need to relook at the foundation of how you approach love. Look back at your dating game (no matter how cringey that will be) and see – is your Daddy Issues ™ shaping your choice of emotionally unavailable men? Are you a 3 aiming for a 10? Are you a bad lay?

Be real. You’ve been dating for the past 10 years and it never worked – what’s the common denominator here? Spoiler: You.

March is ALL about fixing your shit because it’s the main blockage that is highlighted quite intensely here. Why such a horrible pull or your love life? Bitch The Universe is 300% done with receiving your manifestations because it cannot give you what you want when your blockages are preventing the blessings from coming in.

I think the Compassion card is actually the Universe sending me an S.O.S cause it’s fucking asking for mercy from your fucking unrealistic manifestations. Have some compassion for the universe, sis. Miracles do happen, but goddamn.

How not to fuck up your relationship: Things are actually looking up for your relationship with your significant other. You’ve been questioning if this is heading in the right direction, but the truth is – it is.

I’m so fucking done doing (paid) reading for you hoes whining about if you should move on from your partner over petty shit like forgetting your anniversary or she farted in your face when you’re eating her out.

The Hierophant with the Lovers in reversed show questioning of your choice despite things being somewhat stable for a period of time. Like sis. Help me out here. I love drama like any other messy queen, but gurl – sometimes you gotta let that shit go.

With the Emperor card, there’s a need to look at the foundation of the relationship – is there fundamentally wrong with this union? If no – then bitch what is your problem?

With Doctor card in reversed, there’s a need to turn that nitpicking inwards and assess yourself: are you just unhappy with trivial things because you’ve hit a plateau and you’re just itching to find fault? If so – fucking step yo pussy up. Go do stuff together. Joyfulness is asking you to rediscover the joy that brought you both together because lord knows Pleasure-seekers card in reversed means it’s just not fun anymore between the two of you.

Throwing away a good love because you’re bored and slipped into a comfort zone is just mean. Save yourself by reigniting the passion again. Try not to be a cunt this time. I know it’s hard for you, but like, try.

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