Pick a card from Group 1, Group 2, Group 3.
Archangel Power Tarot Cards: 8 of Gabriel (reversed), King of Gabriel, 8 of Raphael (reversed), Wheel
Bianco Nero Tarot: Chariot (reversed), 7 of Wands (reversed), Ace of Wands (reversed), 4 of Swords (reversed)
Wisdom of the Oracle: Clean Up (reversed)
Moonology Oracle Cards: New Moon in Aries
Romance Angels Oracle Cards: Make the Effort
How not to fuck up your career: Hysteria! Panic! Out of control! Calm the fuck down, luvs. You’re in quarantine, remember? Being hysterical without an audience is just silly.
With 8 of Gabriel, for some of you working from home, there’s a distinct lack of work activity lately since late March that will bring forward to April. Relax. It doesn’t mean that you’re out of a job. It just means things are slowing down with the economy turning to shit globally.
I have a friend, let’s call her G, who texted me saying how freaked out she was that she’s free now at home with a light workload. She wondered if it’s a sign of being let go from her gig. I’ll tell you what I tell that bitch: SNAP OUT OF IT!
You’ve been complaining about being overworked, tired and lacking passion? For you – not for those who got the pink slip of course – think of it as the Universe throwing a King of Gabriel energy your way. The energy of generosity and abundance. Use this time to relax, appreciate what you have, discover your side passion and keep yourself busy and telling that inner saboteur that you ain’t got time for her bullshit. Hit that cunt with a shovel and bury her in the backyard, sis. She’s not gonna ruin this time of peace for you.
With the 8 of Raphael in reversed, it’s time to make the most of your break. I mean, it’s not like you have to wake up early and spend your time slaving away at work. Haven’t you been complaining about not having enough time to pursue personal passion projects? Well, what’s your excuse now? It’s not like you got anywhere to go lol.
The Clean It Up card is basically calling out your lazy ass here, henny. Do something. Fix shit that needs fixing – both intrinsic and extrinsic.
I am not one to do a forecast on the coronavirus situation because I literally am not that kind of reader – but with the Wheel card popping up in your reading here, I feel like things will change for the better towards the end of April and you’ll find yourself resuming your normal work situation as before.
Maybe you’re working in a sector that will be the first to be called to resume work per normal. I dunno.
For others, there’s a message of importance that you’ve been waiting to hear back from and that this COVID-19 business is seriously cramping your style. Yes, luvs, all things are being delayed cause Mother Nature has about HAD IT with humanity polluting her body and she’s putting everyone on a mandatory time-out so she can recover. But towards the latter end of April, the news you’ve been waiting for will be coming and it is exactly what you wanted to hear.
Is it a letter to approve your journey/travel elsewhere in the future? That’s both 8 of Gabriel and Raphael energy right there. Is it news about getting a new job offer for an interview? Well bitch, the Wheel here says the delays of starting a new chapter in your life will soon come to pass. Enjoy.
How not to fuck up your love life: Gurl. Come on now, we’ve been through this many times in my reading. What the fuck are you waiting for? Do you need me to FedEx a man right at your doorstep? Gurl, I’m getting tired of this energy. What’s the deal?
With the 4 of Swords in reversed, you’re not just taking time to think about connecting with someone, you’re actually wilfully delaying the idea of dating someone and taking things to the next step because at this point, it feels like a habit.
You know you’re single. You know you don’t wanna be single forever. You know there’s no possibility of being in love if you’re not looking. Gurl, are you ok there, hun?
There’s definite self-imposed energy of stagnation here with the Chariot in reversed. Are you afraid to put yourself out there – I mean, now with the virus and all, sure. But overall, has this been a recurring pattern in your love life? If so then why persists? Lol.
As I’ve said before, the perfect love doesn’t fall into your lap. You can’t experience true love without getting your heart bruised and cut every now and then. We all love a good fairytale, but sometimes it creates unrealistic expectations in love.
You’ve got two cards with the number 7, which indicates an undercurrent of “patiently waiting for things to come”. Sure you can wait, but how long will you think love will wait for you? When you’re ready, got shit all figured out, good job, good body and good finances? Lol that’ll literally never happen so just accept that you’re good as you are to welcome someone into your life.
7 of Wands in reversed here indicate a fear of being hurt. You’re not ready to accept that sometimes you will fail in love or be rejected. Well, it is embarrassing when you’re being ghosted, but accept that they’re not for you, and move the fuck on.
Stop making excuses for not finding anyone. Look at the effort you put in. Oh em gee, did you watch Tiger King on NetFlix? Gurl. You’re like John Finlay, you know the first “husband” of Joe Exotic, the one with the meth mouth? LOL, sis, he fell in love with a WOMAN working at the zoo and decided to pursue it with her. This is it. This is the moment. The single you is like being married to Joe. Get your glow up. Now leave the old you behind and start afresh.
With the Ace of Wand here showing a wasted spark of passion. Perhaps there will be someone who will show interest in you but their interest in you will only be in a short time-frame. If you don’t reciprocate, they’ll think you’re showing signs of disinterest and will back off.
Don’t cry if Becky got him instead and invites you to their wedding later this year. Just saying, sis. Missed opportunity is real right now with you.
As if you need anymore calling out by the universe, you got two cards, Make the Effort and New Moon in Aries, basically saying “ACT NOW, FOOL!”.
How not to fuck up your relationship: It feels like you’re not in control in the relationship right now, or that you feel the hold love has on both of you is slowly loosening over time.
With the Chariot in reversed, you’re both aware that things are not how they were before. Something is amiss. You’re both still continuing this journey that you’re on, but more and more it feels like you’re questioning if you both actually know where exactly this is heading and if the destination is what you’re both looking forward to.
There are definitely hurdles seen here. With the multiple wands in the love pile, part of issue stems from the declining passion and misaligned goals on what the next step for this relationship should be.
The 7 of Wands in reversed here picks up on the energy of indecisiveness. The Chariot energy may have helped to give that extra burst of energy for both of you to still continue this union, but it won’t be for long unless you both take the time to talk about what is it that is holding both of you back right now. Since this is a group reading, I can’t pinpoint the exact underlying reason, but only the outline of the energy of this relationship.
Now you have multiple 7s in the love pile. Multiples of the same number in a reading highlights the energy frequency of the reading. In this case, it’s the energy of “waiting”. Are you both just buying time before the inevitable happens? Is one of you just done with this union but is unsure of how to break the news or just waiting for a better ride to pass by before you jump to a different chariot?
With the Ace of Wands in reversed, is there still love in this union? If not, then why stay? If there is, tend to the issue before it festers. If you feel a slight chilly energy from your partner, stop trying to figure out why and ask. Even an intuitive won’t know a situation 100%.
The good news is that the 7 of Wands here also lends an energy of “letting go of defensiveness”, so it’s easier to discuss issues without anyone feeling attacked.
You have three cards that highlight the sense of urgency of tending to this issue. With the 4 of Swords in reversed, the time to contemplate is over and it’s time to take action. As if the cards couldn’t be any clearer, Make the Effort is literally telling you to make the first move and lay your cards on the table. With New Moon in Aries, the energy of “do no, think later” is highlighted – take action, let go of your fear and just talk it out.
Archangel Power Tarot Cards: Epiphany (reversed), 8 of Raphael (reversed), Ace of Raphael, Nine of Michael (reversed)
Bianco Nero Tarot: 2 of Pentacles (reversed), Devil (reversed), High Priestess (reversed), 4 of Cups
Wisdom of the Oracle: A Change in the Wind (reversed)
Moonology Oracle Cards: Full Moon in Sagittarius
Romance Angels Oracle Cards: Give Your Relationship a Chance
How not to fuck up your career: Uh oh. Yes, uh oh. For some, you may see a change in you financial or employment status. Sorry, luvs. It is what it is. But don’t start hating on the Universe for it though.
In your career pile, there are two cards with the number 9, indicating the strong energy of completion. But those cards are in the reversed position, so it could mean a chapter is coming to an end and it’s usually in a disheartening tone.
Perhaps it is the loss of a job, or maybe it’s a pay cut due to the global event at play currently.
I know it’s easier said than done, but with the 9 of Michael in reversed, your worries, anxieties, fears and other shadow energies will rise to the surface. Sis, times are tough and it’s not something pleasant to happen to you, but the Universe is actually sending some sort of relief your way sooner than you think.
With the Ace of Raphael here, expect a little blessing coming your way to help alleviate the stress you’re feeling right now.
There are multiple cards here that suggest looking within and rely on inner strength to cope with this tense situation you found yourself in right now. The 8 of Raphael here is asking you to reach deep inside you and cling on to your faith because at this moment, you need a lot of faith to weather this patch of bad luck. Cry if you need to, let the emotions out. Reach out to people for emotional support. But you need to hold yourself together because help is on the way and you can’t be defeated by a bump in the road, hun.
The Full Moon in Sagittarius card is asking you to look at the bigger picture. Yes, it sucks to go through what you’re going through now, but things will get better. You can’t see it now because your emotions are clouding your judgement, but it is coming.
I don’t know how else to blunt the message further, but just hang in there, luvs.
How not to fuck up your love life: This is going to be a breakout month for love. Devil reversed and 4 of Cups reinforcing the strong energy of breaking free from a bad situation and negative headspace – like wow. I can’t. But also like, totally can.
4 of Cups here serves as both a reminder and guidance. It represents feeling of dissatisfaction and boredom when it comes to love that will soon come to pass because it also appears when love is coming your way BUT you seem to be preoccupied with a rigid idea of how love is supposed to be. THAT is preventing this love from connecting with you.
Now, throw those Disney princess movies in the trash can where it belongs, because baby your love story is nothing like those bitches. All you need to do to attract love is to rip your heart open this month – sis, it’s been closed for too long.
You know that song Heart to Break by Kim Petras? Yes it’s the one with the disappointing lipsync from Heidi N Closet and Nicky Doll in Rupaul’s Drag Race last week. Uggh. That is the energy for singles love this April!
“Even if it means that I’ll never put myself back together
Gonna give you my heart to break
Even if I’ll end up in shatters, baby, it doesn’t matter
Gonna give you my heart to break
I tried to fight, but I can’t help it
Don’t care if this is my worst mistake
‘Cause no one else could do it better
And that’s why I give you my heart to break”
Heartbreak? Meh, it’s part of the process and you’ll bounce back. Fuqbois? Chase that tingle and then tell him to call an Uber cause your business is done here. With the 2 of Pentacles in reversed, the feeling of being overwhelmed by love’s many issues are a thing of the past! You’re actually ready to shake things up. Especially since it’s followed by Devil in reversed.
Here, the devil no longer has a hold on you, sis. Break free! The chains of dark side of love have been lifted. Doesn’t it feel so much better knowing that you’re no longer fearful of being in love?
With multiple 2s in your love pile here, it indicates the energy of patience in love that will be rewarded. But unlike the “patiently waiting” energy of 7, the energy in 2 is a short-term one. And the reward is coming very soon!
It’s April, sis. You ain’t be bothered by frustrations love may bring in the past because you realize that the path to love can be winding and less-than-direct, but the journey is half the fun!
The High Priestess here lends the energy of clarity and decisiveness. Forget the bullshit trick of “cultivating an aura of mystery” to attract a man. Sis, the one you’ll be attracting will have no time for silly games. The more transparent you are, the better. You’ll find that your openness attracts a new set of people who are much more equipped to push you to a healthier path towards love.
How not to fuck up your relationship: Are you like, literally done, Kelsey? Like, really? I didn’t think so.
Here’s the thing. With the Devil in reversed, either you or your partner may have a brush with a situation that caused a huge problem for both of you. Was he almost succumbing to cheating on you? Or were you thinking of pursuing a flirtation and leaving what you have behind, but had a change of heart? Well, shit happens. Seriously. The last time I checked, we’re humans. We make mistakes.
The A Change in the Wind oracle card here in reversed position also suggests that it was a blip in the love road map that caused one of you to feel as though there is another option to consider.
Yes, the trust needs to re-established but the point is – it didn’t happen. It was a flicker of lust or stupidity that may have undone this union. But the love here is strong that it prevented whatever mistake it was from happening.
With the High Priestess in reversed here represents hidden secrets revealed. I get the feeling that the issue is the central theme of the love problem and that one of you got word of this close call and got pretty worked up about it.
The 2 of Pentacles here represents the current energy both of you are feeling about the love. Feeling overwhelmed, unsure of how to juggle this surge of emotions and inner turmoil.
With the 4 of Cups, you or both of you are suspending this relationship temporarily to think things through. But the card is also asking you to seek balance in sorting the pros and cons of this union. Is the issue irreparable? Are you both willing to openly admit to what had transpired and are willing to put it behind you as one of love’s lessons?
Gurl, the upside to this card is that the Universe is handing you an extra cup – love potential. There’s much more to this union that one painful issue.
This calls for some self-reflection. With the Full Moon in Sagittarius card asking you to look at the bigger picture, careful assessment of this relationship’s potential in the future is required before making any big decisions such as splitting up.
I’m not here to tell you how to run your life. The best I hope for in readings is to give clarity and relay messages as I interpret them. For this, there’s a strong energy of working on this relation to address unhappiness and the core issue of why that situation arose in the first place.
Give Your Relationship a Chance is pretty self-explanatory. Again, the decision is up to you. But there may be something that you could miss out on in the future should you end this union. Something that you may regret.
Archangel Power Tarot Cards: Decision, Page of Gabriel, Strength, Sun
Bianco Nero Tarot: 7 of Cups, Queen of Swords (reversed), Hermit, 9 of Swords (reversed)
Wisdom of the Oracle: Observer (reversed)
Moonology Oracle Cards: Full Moon in Taurus
Romance Angels Oracle Cards: Flirt
How not to fuck up your career: Time out. Isn’t it time you get out of that neurotic headspace and like, I dunno, fucking conquer the world? Sis, caution can help you from making tragic mistakes, but too much of it just paralyzes you from actually living your best life.
A new opportunity – or two – may present itself to you. Now, it’s not confirmed yet but in the early stages. You want to divert from the path you’re currently on, but you’re doubting yourself. “What if I’m out of my depth? What if the current job I’m in has better progression opportunities in the future?” Oh, The What If’s (side note: it’s also the title of an amazing song by Jaguar Wright).
All four cards in the pile I pulled for career suggest breaking free from fear, trusting your instinct and letting the Universe guide you to a better path. With the 7 of Cups here too, remember that time is not your best friend – when you take too long to consider, the option will be off the table. Sometimes a change will do you good – why not take the chance?
With the Page of Gabriel, there’s an energy of something that you’re being presented in April will actually be the key you need to unlock your achievements to the next level sometime down the road. You may not know this now, you may not understand why, but when the right time comes it’ll all make sense. I know it’s scary to be taking a new offer when the world is in a mess right now and the economy is in the shitter, but The Sun is a generally positive card that lends success to any endeavor.
The offer here may not always be to a new corporation, it could be a new portfolio or something new that what you’re doing now.
With the Observer oracle card in reversed, the time for waiting and wondering what your life could be is over. Time to take action is now. Do you trust that the Universe has our best interest? If you are, get ready for a step up.
For some, you may have lost your job sometime in March. Last month’s reading, I pulled a few “forced changes” in career cards, and we’re seeing the impact that COVID-19 has on the economy, putting people who are in otherwise stable jobs suddenly finding themselves with no more paycheck to look forward to. Umm, are you ok, hun?
But good news – the dark times are over and get ready for a new offer to alleviate the stress you’re in. The Hermit card – of aloneness and isolation – comes before the 9 of Swords in reversed, indicating the worst scenario you can imagine in your head is now over. Get out of the negative state of mind and Flirt card reminds you to also reconnect with the joy in life – you need a good front when you’re to face new employer.
How not to fuck up your love life: Always the bridesmaids but never the bride? Sis, have you been ghosted more times than the staff at The Stanley Hotel? Do you find yourself desperately reconfiguring who you are just to snag that guy so you won’t be lonely? Umm, sis this is like, so sad. Henny, self-love – got any?
Oh, this applies to recently singled too aka dumped, ghosted, divorced – whatever you wanna call it.
Options are coming your way, luvs. April, you’ll be single no more. But take note, options don’t mean that you’ll finally be a couple. Options are just that – options.
Stop being so disheartened, Queen of Swords. If you find yourself dating with nothing solid at hand, maybe that’s the problem. Your mind right now is just a mess. The queen is not in a favorable position here. A true queen needs clarity in thought when it comes to assessing her own love life. With her in reversed, you’re refusing to be objective when it comes to looking at your relationship with love.
Sis, the Hermit is asking you to cut the bullshit and look inwards – why are you so desperate to be with someone? With the 9 of Swords here, the issue is quite a thorn on your side. Have you ever considered that maybe the issue here is desperation and misplaced value you put in being coupled?
Sometimes you need to work on yourself before you actually can be with someone – desperation isn’t cute. People can smell it on you. No one wants to be with someone who needs someone to make them feel whole. It’s gross. It’s clingy. It’s unhealthy. Have you considered that the Universe is saving you from yourself by not giving you someone that could cause you to become co-dependent and lose all sense of self?
Take it as a lesson from the universe. The Moonology card of Full Moon in Taurus has a message of setting a clear plan for your dreams. If finding a partner is your goal – don’t just cling on to the fantasy of being with someone, look at what’s blocking your energy in receiving love and fix it.
Working on yourself isn’t that bad you know. Since you’re so embarrassed at being alone, I guess blame it on the COVID-19 and quarantine for being single this month – at least you have some excuse to tell your friends while you work out your issues.
How not to fuck up your relationship: Lighten up. Seriously, sis, lighten up – things are getting a little too intense and not in a good way. Perhaps you are already aware of this aspect happening in your homefront and the problem is you.
Real talk, gurl. You’re getting a little harsh these days with the Queen of Swords in reversed here, there’s an issue of being intolerant and critical to people around you. Since it’s quarantine period, I figure the people here mostly relate to your spouse.
With the 7 of Cups here, there are lots of issues that are popping up in the relationship – it’s a test but it felt like it’s becoming a deal-breaker. Why? You know the whole “happily ever after” thing is such a toxic expectation to have in love, right? Gurl, you’re dealing with a human being, not a fucking caricature of a Prince Charming. People have flaws. You have flaws. Why are you acting like you’re the one who’s suffering great mental distress because of what they did and you’re the saint in this union? Henny, wake the fuck up.
The Observer card in reversed here is asking you to take the magnifying glass off for a second, ok? If you want to find issues with someone, you’ll find one. Ask yourself: “Is this really a deal-breaker?” if not, why get so caught up in it?
Flirt is asking you to inject much-needed lighthearted energy to this relationship. Because this 9 of Sword moment you’re having right now, is not cute. Gotta realize when your inner saboteur is taking over and ruining your union. Got issues, work it out in a neutral stance like a normal person would. Stop feeling so attacked like you’re being victimized by your partner when the matter isn’t really that big of a deal.