I’m back bitches. Uggh. The past few months have been intense. Like, super intense. 2020 has no chill.
I was gone for a minute and now I’m ready for my closeup.
Anyway, pick Group 1, 2, 3 or 4!
Zombie Tarot: Chariot (reversed), Eight of Pentacles (reversed), Tower (reversed), Justice (reversed)
The Urban Tarot: 4 of Cups (reversed), 10 of Disks (reversed), 10 of Swords, 9 of Swords
Divine Circus Oracle: Meant For You
Les Vampires Oracle: Religion
Numerology Guidance Cards: 41 Self Discipline
The Romance Angels Oracle: Very Soon
How not to fuck up your career: Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Mawma, I need you to channel your inner Mahogany this October and learn to swim with the changing currents to achieve your dreams.
Lately the Universe hasn’t been giving you a break. Stuff keeps falling out of place and you’re about thisclose to throwing your hands up in the air dramatically going “Jesus Lawd, why?! Why, lawd why?!” But the cards are telling you to drop the middle-school play calibre acting and SNAP OUT OF IT!
Problems, hiccups, issues – whatever you wanna call them, they’re learning lessons. Think of them as enforced breaks for you to take a step back and analyze the situation: see what mistakes you’ve made, how stubborn you are in adapting to changes, and how unprepared you have been for times of crisis.
Some of you may have lost your job, suffered a reduced flow of income or have your living situation compromised that you find yourself quickly trying to make necessary changes to correct what had happened. Miss Rona is a bitch, sis, we been knew.
There’s a heavy karmic element when it comes to your current situation. The Universe is asking you to break free from “what was” and start erasing your old life plan and start going back to the drawing board. You may be of a certain age range where you didn’t think you’d have to worry about finding yourself losing a source of income, but here we are, sis. It is what it is.
The Universe may have given you hints that your situation may not have been stable as you want to convince yourself to be and sometimes a wakeup call is what we need. Lies, deception, delusions and self-manipulations – those belong in movies and books sis, not real life.
If you’re looking for a ray of hope because you’ve been spiralling into negative thinking – you’re in luck! Justice reversed here is the distribution of karmic energy your way but one you have to take an active approach to reap its rewards. Keep applying for other jobs, seek monetary help from respective authorities, rebalance your budget and remember this time in your life when the rug has been pulled under your feet. Because blessings will come your way after you’ve realized how good life was compared to now despite how much you’ve been complaining about what you lack before.
How not to fuck up your love life: Feeling a little lonely for a little too long? Well, yeah dating can be a little tough in times of pandemic, right?
Also, like you’re like not ready to date someone who swiped right on your profile because he’s too tall/short/skinny/fat/muscular/weird chest hair pattern – like sis we’ve been through this. When you date multiple guys but things don’t turn out well despite them being interested in you, then it’s not a “them” problem, it’s a “you” problem.
Single bitches, you need to get out of this negative thought cycle of feeling like you still need to wait for your perfect Prince/Princess/Princex Charming (or whatever the fuck you’re into), or that you’re not good enough for someone to be attracted to you. Having a ridiculous list of demands you want out of a partner and being self-loathing are two sides of the same coins. You’re just creating barriers to actually experiencing love.
The Universe is asking you to step away from a hyper idealized version of what you think you want in a partner or situation where you’ll be ready to welcome them into your life. Understand that contentment and happiness come from allowing yourself to be vulnerable and accepting people with their set of flaws. Like straight talk, you’re single because you can’t get beyond that point.
It’s not about “settling” either. There’s a difference between creating an imaginary perfect partner and hoping there’s someone out there in the real world just like them, and knowing when you’ve gone too far off that you’re asking for the impossible.
If you’re willing to work on your issues, there’s a reward waiting. Practice manifestations where you list core qualities a partner has to possess to be in a healthy, balanced relationship. Once you know what you need – not what you want – then love will come to you.
For couples, feeling of staleness may have crept up between you two. But is it really a big issue? Based on the cards, no one is cheating on the other party. And that nothing major is seen when it comes to why the relationship is losing its spark. The lack of wands in the cards just show that passion is one area that needs a lot of work on. Why keep quiet and suffer in silence until both of you just fall out of love? Do something.
Once you’ve addressed that, you’ll realize an open communication and self-discipline to see it through are all you need to reignite the spark between the two of you again.
Zombie Tarot: Justice (reversed), 10 of Wands (reversed), 5 of Swords, 9 of Cups
The Urban Tarot: 7 of Cups, The Aeon, 10 of Pentacles, 10 of Swords
Divine Circus Oracle: Silver Siren
Les Vampires Oracle: Transgression
Numerology Guidance Cards: 5 Change
The Romance Angels Oracle: You Deserve Love
How not to fuck up your career: OH EM GEE, BECKY! Guess what? Good time’s coming and it’s just right around the corner!
Shit’s been tough. We get it, sis. It’s like so unfair and stuff, like uggh how dare The Universe send some drama your way. Like who does she think she is, amirite, gurl?
A change is gonna come, sis. The Karmic scale of balance is about to be recalibrated. Yes it felt like you’ve been carrying one hell of a burden for a period of time and The Universe seems to be moving the goal post once you think you’ve reached the end of the line. Now luck is tilting the scale back in your favor.
With the 5 of Swords, there’s an energy of bickering and fighting in the cards. Are there issues with one or a few of your colleagues who are always being so fucking argumentative about every fucking issue? Uggh.
Maybe it’s you who always found yourself being corrected for your actions no matter what you do. Maybe there’s so much upheavals due to changing of your company’s organizational structure that it’s causing so much chaos and conflict. Whatever it is, it’s so toxic, you guys. Like omg. You don’t need it. The Universe knows it. It’s a life lesson, and you’re ready to graduate from this class soon.
Perhaps the person who’s been causing you problems will be on the chopping block soon. Maybe there will be another wave of reorganization in place that will more or less take care of what ever pesky problems you’ve been facing. Whatever it is, the multiple 10 energy in your reading here shows one chapter is about to close and another will begin. So enjoy.
How not to fuck up your love life: Something is definitely amiss in your life. Perhaps the material side of things are pretty much going well for you but you just cannot for the life of you lock someone down and now it’s getting more apparent that you miss sharing a love.
Well there’s definitely going to be options for you. Like a few this month. But the thing with options is that it is there for a short window of time before it’s no longer up for grabs. So prep yourself for October because it’s all about taking decisive action when it comes to love.
Grab your girlfriends and consult your psychic if you have to but The Universe will send you a few love interest who may make you feel some kind of way. “Ayo sis, but how the hell will I know if I’ll be making the right choice?” you may ask. Bitch they’ll all be right for you to some degree so the choice is up to you.
Like I know it’s hard for someone to be dependent on tarot reading/psychics to make tough life decisions but this time, but The Universe is letting you easy this time. Just remember that if you don’t choose – ALL of your options will walk away because they will not be put on a shelf while you deliberate. But sis, use your discretion like it doesn’t mean you’ll have to plan your wedding to the first person who says hi to you. See how interested they are in you and if they wanna go out on a date and see where it goes, take a chance. And no, if you think you’ll miss out on even better things with another person, the answer is unlikely. Once in awhile The Universe throws us a freebie. Fucking take it, be happy and stop manufacturing dramas in your head, you miserable cunt. God, like I literally can’t with you right now.
Uh-oh. Have we been eyeing the supposedly greener pasture on the other side of the fence? Whoopsie!
Bitch I’m gonna stop you right there. For those who are already in a relationship, temptations will be in the air. Mawma why you gotta start some shit? Like do you REALLY wanna leave your partner now and be with that shiny new thing with a 12-inch dick? Like is it truly worth it?
Look at where your relationship is right now. If you’re genuinely unhappy – fucking grow a pair and end it. Have some respect for the person who welcomed you into their heart and tell them that you no longer see yourself being in this relationship. You’re not going to like how messy things can get if you cheat or dump them while you’re fucking someone else.
If you’re happy but you’re entertaining the thought of “what if” with someone new who showed interest in you – mawma stop this debauchery from happening. In the words of Alistair Crowley himself, it is “one of the worst ideas anyone can have. Its mode is poison and its goal madness.”
Just know that actions have consequences. You’re an adult. Act like one. Change is definitely seen in your cards. If your relationship no longer fulfills you emotionally, then a change of scenery is much needed. But if all you’re suffering from is a case of an itchy clit, change course in the direction you’re heading before you ruin what good you already have.
Zombie Tarot: Queen of Wands, 3 of Wands, Wheel of Fortune (reversed), 6 of Cups (reversed)
The Urban Tarot: Princess of Disks, Hierophant, Emperor, High Priestess (reversed)
Divine Circus Oracle: The Juggler
Les Vampires Oracle: Faith
Numerology Guidance Cards: 44 Environment
The Romance Angels Oracle: It IS Safe For You To Love
How not to fuck up your career: Did you watch that MTV show Awkward? The one about the girl who got into a freak accident and everyone thought she attempted suicide? God I love that show. But there’s one particular character that caught my interest and I’ve always wanted to have as a friend, Valerie Marks, the silly but well-intentioned guidance counselor.
Uggh, Val is actually super helpful. She’s always seen as super annoying by the other characters because there’s nothing more frustrating than a try-hard adult who’s trying to act like a teen to compensate for their lack of popularity in high school.
There’s a Val in your life that you’re dealing with at work right now. Maybe not as cool or friendly but they are constantly chiming in on fixing your work and telling you how to correct your work processes. It’s fucking annoying isn’t it? Like I know in your head you’ve killed her like 34 times.
But wake up, baby. The Universe sent a Val your way as a blessing in disguise. No one wants a nanny in the workplace, but she’s embodying the energy of Queen of Wands. She’s come to help and there’s nothing you can do to stop her. Think of it this way: you don’t know how many bumps in the road you will encounter. When you have that extra safety net to catch you before you fall, why the hate?
The Universe sends help in multiple forms. Some forms are less tolerable than others, but learn to look at the bigger picture. Times are tough. If you’re one of the lucky ones who still has a job, knowing how bad the job market is, know that sometimes all it takes is a small mistake for us to be made redundant.
No one is asking you to throw in the towel and just accept your fate of being pushed around. Learn to reprogram your mind to recognize when to control your ego and accept help, and understand the proper way to communicate your point of view to another on why you choose to execute a certain work process the way you do.
How not to fuck up your love life: Singles will take a back seat for this group’s reading cause I got good news for someone in a relationship!
For some who’s coupled but have yet to tie the knot, someone’s going to ask you to deepen the relationship by taking it to the next step. Not all of us like a big wedding, so even in times of a pandemic it is possible to have a cosy little wedding with a few trusted loved ones. Some may even go through the legal side of a marriage contract during this time before putting up a celebration when the situation has improved. Hey, uncertain times call for different way of doing things. Whatever works, hun.
With the hierophant, here at play, finally minor differences in terms of values have settled and the path is cleared for the journey to the next step together.
If you’re thinking of waiting for the right time for things to get better – why wait? Gurl save those coins from doing an intimate wedding affair so you can splurge on a faraway honeymoon. After all this shit, we all can do with a much needed escape.
Singles – think back on other single person you’ve met before and is in your circle. That person has an eye on you, gurl! They may not be your bff or someone close but it’s someone you’re more than just close on a superficial level.
The Empress reversed here shows repressed feelings are now ready to come to light!
Perhaps things were bubbling beneath the surface for a while but it never got anywhere because circumstances were not permitting before. Was one of you attached before? The timing wasn’t right? Maybe workplace romance was frowned upon, but now you’re no longer colleagues? Whatever imbalances that were preventing you both from connecting are now corrected. Yay!
Zombie Tarot: 4 of Cups, Queen of Cups (reversed), 2 of Cups (reversed), Page of Swords
The Urban Tarot: The Aeon, Prince of Cups (reversed), Moon (reversed), 3 of Wands
Divine Circus Oracle: Joker Is Wild
Les Vampires Oracle: Creator
Numerology Guidance Cards: 66 Healing
The Romance Angels Oracle: Romantic Feelings
How not to fuck up your career: Have you been made redundant from your job? Have you been waiting for something new to come up but there’s just nothing on the horizon it seems?
Well, it’s time to look at alternatives. Is there anything you’d like to do on the side that you’ve been putting on the shelf? Perhaps it’s finally monetizing your handicrafts or services on Etsy. Or putting your expertise up for a fee as a consultant. Maybe it’s taking up freelance gigs while waiting for a big break to come.
Whatever you choose, stop allowing yourself to fall into a plateau and just whining about how helpless you are. The Page of Swords is all about thinking on your feet and coming up with an escape plan when shit hits the fan. After all, a little bit of cash flow is better than none right? Bitches gotta eat. Bills gotta be paid. Weaves need to be restocked, sis. Keep up.
October is a door opening month for Plan B. It’s not ideal now but you’d be surprised at how your little idea soon grows to become a big cash cow in the future. But first, you gotta lay out the plan. And hustle. The Universe is lending a hand when it comes to selling your own creations – be it an idea, processes or handmade goods.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity, make it work. Even if it doesn’t turn out as great as you’d hope, at least you make an attempt to change the course of action.
For those with a job but feeling dissatisfied and aimless because the opportunity for growth seems out of reach, stop feeling defeated. Make the most of the situation you’re given and bide your time as october will present you with options to reposition your career trajectory to the direction you’ve been waiting for for a long time.
How not to fuck up your love life: There are some people who just know how to wrap their fingers around another person and push every fucking trigger to keep them in check. Nothing good can come from being with a person who has such a firm hold on your psyche that you trap yourself in this power imbalance because you think this is the best love that The Universe can give you.
Mawma. You’re not a black female lead in a Tyler Perry movie. Snap the fuck out of it. Consistent suffering is not in your destiny, gurl. Don’t act like you don’t see the signs. With the Prince of Swords in reversed, there’s a heavy energy of someone who’s good at externalizing their conflicts to evoke strong emotions in others.
Don’t be fooled by this Twin Flame bullshit that the Divine Masculine needs time to adjust when they’re syncing with the Divine Femininity. This dangerous and toxic nonsense is responsible for a lot of women putting up with shit that they’re not supposed to. A month or so of this to gauge if that is her true nature? Sure. but months and months – even years? Fuck to the No. You bitches know how I feel about TF and I’m having none of it.
In the words of Rumi: “Never give from the depths of your well but from your overflow”. Your feelings are valid in a relationship too and a relationship shouldn’t drain you, but nourish each other’s soul. The Universe is sending a message that healing is much needed in your love life right now and that there’s an urgent need to snap out of the lies and delusions you choose to mask yourself in and face reality. You deserve to be happy.
For singles, options are aplenty this month. But self-doubt, irrational display of emotions, and self-delusions are some keywords you need to look out for when it comes to understanding why your ass is still single.
Do you demand too much from your love interest that they feel you’re just too intense? Do you lie and scheme to win someone’s affection? Well, sometimes we feel like we have to do whatever it takes to win something, but the same rules you apply to your career doesn’t always do well when it comes to matters of the heart.
People don’t like to be put in a position where they feel indebted to someone or feeling emotionally manipulated. If you’re predisposed to those behaviors, it’s time for an unfiltered look at your personality flaws and do something about it. I mean, you’re still single and unhappy right, so clearly it’s not working out for you. October is a time for healing and self-reflection despite having options coming your way. Because if you don’t want to fix what needs fixing – watch all your options walk away. You know, like they always do.