Ho, ho, ho, hoe! December forecast is here!
You know the drill, pick Group 1, 2, 3 or 4!
Santa Muerte Tarot: Tower, 8 of Swords, 6 of Swords (reversed), 7 of Cups, Temperance, King of Wands (reversed)
Divine Circus Oracle: Death Shall Not Take Him, Gypsy Colombine
Numerology Guidance Cards: 10 Karmic Completion
Zombie Tarot: Lovers (reversed), Ace of Hazards, Death (reversed), Hermit (reversed), Knight of Wands, Justice (reversed)
Archetype Cards: Artist, Fool
Fin de Siecle Kipper: Sudden Wealth, Family Room, Poverty
The Hot Tea: Never mourn your losses because what is removed by the Universe in your life is done to make a place for something bigger, better, and more suited to your life path. Chile, even a reader like me doesn’t see EVERYTHING there is to see, but trust in the Universe is a must for a healthy and fulfilling life.
New adventures await, so stop pining over the “way things were” and go back to old habits. Like Loretta Castorini (uggh, it’s Cher’s character in Moonstruck, plebs), December is asking you to SNAP OUT OF IT! Because the more time you waste, the slimmer the chance of grabbing an opportunity that is much better for you.
You have multiples of 6 and 7 cards in this pull, which means for a reward to manifest in your life right now, you need to make the first move. Take action. Change your mindset. Stop living in fear and be bold. Shake your life up. Do what you wanted to but never had the courage to.
You’ll get through this. It’s written in the heavens, gurl. You got this. I believe in you. The Universe believes in you, and know that change is meant for you. After every storm, a rainbow appears. And for you, there’s a big pot of gold waiting at the end of that rainbow, henny.
All About Werq: Just like the Calgon commercial, you really gotta get up outta here. Listen to Mariah, sis. Work-wise, things can get a little bewildering for you right now. If you’ve lost your job – join the club of millions, gurl – speed up your shock. Throw a tantrum. Cry. Hex Miss Rona. If you’re a white girl, go write a detailed journal entry of how you feel about this issue.
Why? Because there’s no time for doubt and self-pity in December. You’ve got a short window to plant the seed for a new direction in your professional life.
Literally what you’ve done before you got the ax is not what you’re meant to do in the coming years. Brush up that resume and start applying to an industry or role that you’ve always wanted to be in. The Universe will take care of the rest.
Maybe you’ve always meant to be an entrepreneurial queen. So start something and make your presence known in various circles and promote yourself. Learn from these heifers. Have you always entertained the idea of starting something that you’ve put on a shelf? See how these businesses take advantage of the current situation to get them coins, henny. Connect with your friends. The RIGHT ones. The ones who can give positive inputs to help you out and keep your distance from the ones who doubt your next move. There’s no space for that shit in December. The energy your circle of friends emits will have a significant impact on how successful your venture will be. Tighten your circle.
If you’re just not the entrepreneurial type, don’t worry. The important thing is to be bold and creative, and not limit yourself as you’ve always had in the past. Don’t underestimate your potential.
For those of you still lucky to have a paycheck, know that big changes are to come. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Maybe you’re being reshuffled to another job scope or department. Maybe there’s an entirely new SOP you need to brush up on and adapt in a very short period of time. Just don’t let rigidity ruin your chances of holding on to that coin. December is all about shedding old beliefs and old habits to embrace change.
Oh, and it doesn’t hurt to cast a wider net in December because something more aligned to what you want to do is going to be made available. Grab it, goddammit because this offer does not last long. You deserve this.
Love & Lust: Did you get the memo? Dating is still a thing in times of a pandemic. Sex is off the table (for your safety and the safety of others), and what better way to know your love potential than taking this time to go deep on an emotional level.
Stop whining to your friends about how you’ve been busy brushing off cobwebs from your crotch. Did y’all hear of long-distance relationships? Like connecting with someone doesn’t always mean there has to be an intimacy element attached to it.
You’d be kicking yourself in the ass for missing out on the potential of meeting someone this month. I fucking mean it, goddammit. Knight of Wands here is offering the best energy to communicate what you both want out of a relationship without the sexual thrill of a hookup being a distraction.
Literally what the fuck are you waiting for? Lay the fucking trap and get them to fall in love with you that when this whole pandemic thing is over, you can give them the worst lay of their life and they’ll still feel like it’s the best thing ever. It’s not manipulation, gurl. Decades ago, people don’t fuck after the first date and then discuss what they want out of a relationship. Sure it was tinged with misogynistic undertones of tying women’s virginity to their self-worth, but the same strategy still holds – sans the anti-feminism aspect.
Uggh. these are tricks your mother should’ve taught you, gurl. Like if she didn’t, it’s basically child abuse. Like, I can’t.
For couples, harmony is about to be restored when Justice and Tower make their appearances in a pull. Been through tough shit lately in this relationship? Well, shit happens. And no, things are not turning out for the worse that you have to start packing your things and move on.
There’s a U-turn seen here. Things are not as bad as you thought it was, But open communication and honesty are key in making things work. You both need to open up and let it all out and not let things fester. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right?
Now kiss and makeup.
Bianco Nero Tarot: Empress, Temperance, 4 of Cups (reversed), 6 of Swords (reversed), Judgement, Lovers
Vintage Wisdom Oracle: Change, Centering
Numerology Guidance Cards: 26 Love Partnership
The Magical Nordic Tarot: 6 of Wands (reversed), Temperance, 8 of Wands, Lovers (reversed), Chariot (reversed), Devil (reversed)
Archetype Cards: Victim, Father
Fin de Siecle Kipper: Coffin, Privileged Lady, Unexpected Income
The Hot Tea: Bitch what is you doing? Stop wasting your goddamn time by slacking. We get it, you’re comfortable right now but why rest on your laurels?
You find lately your inner voice is nagging at you to do something? Get occupied with activities because there’s an energy of “reap what you sow” in December. If there’s someone you’ve been eyeing on – pursue them but like not in a psycho mode. If there’s something you’ve always want to do but never got the time – well now is the time.
Once December ends, whatever you choose to pursue will be rewarded multiple times for the effort you’ve put into it. You just need to fucking do it. Multiple 6 cards in your reading. That means you’re actually moving towards a new profitable direction whether you see it or not, so make the most of this blessed life movement you’re pulled into.
All About Werq: Are you surviving or thriving? I know what you’re thinking. “Like OMG, how can you ask that when it’s a privilege to have a job in a time like this!”
Well, hold up, hoe. No one is asking you to drop everything you’re doing to pursue your passion. Like no. Just so you know, you’re not losing that paycheck anytime soon – at least not in December or January. If the Universe can ease your mind about your security, what will you fill that void left behind by worry and anxiety?
How about directing that extra energy on something you’re passionate about? You’d be surprised to know that even in times like this, you’ll be one of the lucky ones to have more than one source of income.
Great huh? Well, sometimes the Universe just has good stuff for you. Appreciate it. And don’t be lazy. In fact, it’ll even help revive that sense of ennui you’re experiencing with your current job.
And you know what, bitch. If you do channel your extra energy into something you love. Don’t be surprised months down the road, you’ll realize how much you’re benefitting financially from it. You’re welcome.
Love & Lust: You’ll have a case of the ex this month. Do you want them back? I mean, if you’ve been pining for them and this is welcoming news, then good for you. But be sure to check what their motives are.
Is it a true case of two people realizing what they’ve been missing when they parted ways? Or it’s just a case of someone who hasn’t nutted in a warm living hole after months of social distancing? Check their intent, sis. It makes a whole world of a difference between a happy ending and a pity party for one with three pints of Ben & Jerry in your room later.
Some singles will realize that all of a sudden someone that seems too good to be true is showing their interest in you. Why? Is your self-esteem that bad that you deserve bottom-barrel scraps? Elevate yourself, hoe. See where this goes. It could be the start of a beautiful thing but you got to get your shit together cause self-defeatism isn’t sexy.
For couples, maybe injecting a little bit of physical intimacy could help things a little. I mean yes things are going well but things also may turn cold from time to time. That doesn’t mean that it’s a bad sign in a relationship. You just gotta get a little physical to show that the love is still there. I mean you’re not in a relationship with a cactus, so you can’t just pass them by and act like they’re self-sufficient no matter how low-maintenance they may appear to be.
Tarot of the Haunted House: 9 of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, Knight of Pentacles, Justice (reversed), 8 of Wands, Queen of Pentacles
Work Your Light Oracle: Align Your Life, Break The Chain
Numerology Guidance Cards: 46 Domestic Harmony
Tarot of Sexual Magic: 7 of Cups (reversed), 6 of Wands, 5 of Cups (reversed), King of Pentacles (reversed), Knight of Cups (reversed), Ace of Pentacles (reversed)
Archetype Cards: Scribe (reversed), King (reversed)
Fin de Siecle Kipper: Coffin, False Person, Court House
The Hot Tea: My girl Archduchess Margaret of Austria got it right when she said: “Trust in those who offer you service, and in the end, my maidens, you will soon find yourself in the ranks of those who have been deceived.”
There are times to trust those around you, and there are times to trust your gut instinct instead. There is some falseness surrounding you in key moments this month and it’s going to take a lot of effort to discriminate between truth and falseness.
For some of you, it’s not that severe. Not every one of you has to mistrust your friends. For some, inputs from people on specific issues popping up in your life may be colored by their own personal biases, so always take a step back and make your own conclusion.
All About Werq: Heard of the expression “dot the i’s and cross the t’s”? Yeah. Very that. Check and triple check because the quality of work is especially important considering there will be an influx of workload coming your way. Don’t take shortcuts for the sake of efficiency because things are going to backfire on your ass.
Here’s the thing. There may be something popping up with regards to your career that may seem a little interesting but you’re not given the full picture of what to expect. Do your due diligence. Never take things at face value and always read between the lines and cut through the bullshit. You need to know what you’re getting yourself into – if you’re comfortable with the offer, then go for it.
Things may not be as exciting for you right now as people are taking the time now to change gear in the direction of where their career is heading for a completely different job scope. But you, this is strongly advised against. Stay true to your course and not shake things up as unlike the other groups, this month is all about plodding through a known path and being very good in it.
Does it mean you’re going to be stuck at where you’re at forever? No gurl, this is just the energy for December. Just wait. You’ll see why.
Love & Lust: You’re shit out of luck in the love department in December. Just, like take what your person of interest is telling you with a bag full of salt. Shit’s just not adding up if it’s too good to be true. If you’re up for a fling (gurl I’m not recommending ANYTHING that goes against social distancing protocols, but I’m just saying), then yes. Beyond that, I doubt that there’s anything solid in the connection you’ll find this month.
Actually, this month may suck if you’re looking for a true connection, but for no-strings attached-type of fun, there will be plenty of options for you. The Universe may back you up in your hoeish ways without any repercussions.
Couples – not that great. The little imbalances in your relationships (them loving you more than you could love them back, etc) are catching up to you, sweetie. They been knew, sis. And shit’s about to go down this month. IF – and that’s a big IF – you are willing to stop being the asshole in this union and own up to your end of the problem.
Other readers will always blame the other party in a reading, like their viewers are so innocent. But sometimes hoes read tarot forecasts too and these hoes will get called out in mine when I see it.
Do you want this relationship to work? If yes, then work on your issues contributing to the unevenness of love between you two. If not, then bitch release them and move the fuck on.
Domestic harmony is still possible, but it takes a lot of effort on your end to make this work to a point where you are actually happy, contented, and satisfied with what your partner is bringing to the relationship.
Archangel Power Tarot Cards: Queen of Gabriel (reversed), 3 of Michael (reversed), Ace of Gabriel, 9 of Gabriel, Epiphany, 9 of Gabriel
Believe in Your Own Magic Oracle: Mirror, Gold
Numerology Guidance Cards: 44 Environment
Tarot Del Toro: 9 of Discs, 6 of Wands, High Priestess, Ace of Blades, Valet of Wands (reversed), Queen of Dics
Archetype Cards: Alchemist (reversed), Athlete
Fin de Siecle Kipper: Coffin, Family Room, Child
The Hot Tea: December is your month. I mean it. Tons of good fortune coming your way to help solidify your personal and professional goals. BUT you need to do this on your own. Sure you can receive some assistance, but don’t expect them to carry their expected load to help you on the way up the summit.
Like omg, it’s scary and stuff not depending on others to see something into success. But try. December is about proving your mettle and showcasing your resilience to show the world just who the fuck you is, bitch.
There’s definitely going to be something new – a project or a new love – that you’ve been working on for a while now and December needs to be the month that you lay the solid groundwork for future growth.
All About Werq: Nothing is as bad as it seems. Sometimes we’re our own worst critics. Think you don’t have what it takes to hold your shit together? Well, you’re fucking wrong. All kinds of energies are channeled by the Universe to push you to greater heights.
The most urgent matter you need to address is your ability to properly manage your time, resources, and priorities. You’re going to really be tested in that aspect this month as you’ll be swamped with a deluge of tasks and a full to-do list.
Don’t ignore your instincts! This month you’ll find the beneficial energies from the Universe to be the greatest ally you’ll have in the professional realm. Gridlocked by indecisions? Take a breather and think of possible solutions – the one that “feels” right, go for that.
Love & Lust: Stop. Recollect. Then proceed. Something feels off about your new beau. I’m sure you felt it too, right? It’s not good when High Priestess choose to make an appearance in love matters – in my interpretation anyway. There’s always something that needs peeling to see what is hidden underneath the surface.
Something isn’t right in this connection no matter how they come off to you. They may appear vulnerable and charming, but there’s more that they’re hiding from you. Sometimes it can be a dealbreaker that they’re aware of and are trying to shift the attention away from.
I don’t think a group call with your good Judys will help this one. You’re on your own to settle this issue.
For couples, something you’re hiding from your partner is about to surface. Better step on it and be the one to come clean before it is brought to their attention. There’s an aspect of manipulation and deception hinted at this relationship and nothing good will come out of smoothing it over with more lies.
Actually, you’re in luck because the Universe will help ease the tension from this issue and you’ll find that you both will come out stronger once you’re transparent about communication between the two of you.