Monthly Pick-a-Card Messages for January 2021

2021 is finally fucking here. God, when will this nightmare end…

You know the drill, pick Group 1, 2, 3 or 4!


Zombie Tarot: Wheel of Fortune (reversed), King of Wands (reversed), Knight of Cups, Page  of Hazards

Urban Tarot: Moon, 6 of Wands, 4 of Disks (reversed), 3 of Disks

Les Vampires Oracle: Knowledge, The Past a Prison

Sibilla della Zingara: Misfortune, Sorrow, Thoughts (reversed)

The Hot Tea: There’s a fine line between persistence and stubbornness. You may have been teetering the line for quite a while now thinking you’re doing the right thing. But has it gotten you anywhere? Lol no. You’re just wasting time waiting for the right time and time just passes you by.

If you’re looking for a burst of luck to tilt a situation to your favor – you’re shit out of luck. Stop being stubborn. There are times to go all out and stay focus on the direction you’re in and there are times to call it a day and go back to the drawing board.

In the words of Sun Tzu, “It is unlucky to be stubborn in the face of insurmountable odds.” Stop. Just stop. You’re not going anywhere and whatever you wish would have hoped for isn’t going to happen. At least not this month. Luck is not on your side and The Universe is telling you to put that desire on hold.

Perhaps you’re looking for a lucky break and get that dream gig? Or you’re looking for signs that the person you’re interested in feels the same way towards you? Or maybe you’re just hoping that being stubborn will eventually pay off. Well it won’t. There’s no shame in admitting defeat. This is life. Sometimes things go our way, sometimes it doesn’t.

This doesn’t mean that what you desperately hope for is off the table though. Just not in January. We’ll see what happens next month, sweetie. In the meantime, re-strategize.

All About Werq: Something is off. Like totally off. Have you been praying for a longshot dream to come true? Well, reality check is calling sweetie – time to pull your head out of the cloud and  come back down to earth.

For some, the idea of launching a successful venture to move away from the corporate rat race is just not ripe for picking. More work is needed and the Universe is asking you to scrutinize your plans because there are holes in your business plan and it’s what sinking your dreams of cruising solo.

For others, a step up at work that you thought you deserve isn’t exactly going to fall through. You sadly lack an element that they require for that role.

You’re just being so impatient. And an overnight success story is not in your cards, henny. Sorry to burst your bubbles. With the King of Wands in reversed, you’re just shit at decision-making right now. Nobody will tell you this because they don’t want to be the asshole to shit on your dreams, but I don’t owe you shit but tell you the truth.

The good news, however, is that this is not the end of your dream. January is a time to take an objective look at your shortcomings and face it head-on. Fuck your ego. That is what is standing between you and your goals. Kill it. And admit your fault in this. See? Now you see there are plenty of ways you can fix things so you can have your cake and eat it too, right?

It’s ok to admit you don’t know it all or are not ready for the big win yet. Just humble yourself and correct what’s necessary. You’ll get on the right track next month.

Love & Lust: Mariah is right, sis. Letting go ain’t easy. You need to listen to the elusive chanteuse. You’ve been clinging on to this illusion that everything is going well, when it’s not.

Are you sure things are going your way? Call your best Judy and tell her to rip into you – mercilessly. Sometimes we need her unvarnished truth to wake us the fuck up. 

Is your partner actually happy in this relationship? Are you constantly single because “those assholes” are to blame? 

With the Moon and 4 of Pentacles in reversed – ancient alien theorists say no. Sometimes we’re the asshole, and we gotta admit that to ourselves. 

I know plenty of tarot readers will always read their cards to blame the other person and never the person watching/reading their pick-a-card, but are you as pure as the driven snow? No. They may think butter won’t melt in your mouth but I’m here to tell you that sometimes we have to turn inwards to ask what the fuck is wrong with us when things fall apart in love and the common denominator is us.

But not all is lost. If you’re reading this and realize that this resonates – congrats! You’re only partially an asshole. You’re willing to admit that you’re wrong and willing to change. Yay! CHAMPAGNE! CHAMPAGNE FOR EVERYONE!

Now, go make the necessary changes and check back next month.


Bruegel Tarot: King of Swords (reversed), 3 of Pentacles, Queen of Swords (reversed), Queen of Cups (reversed)

Archangel Power Tarot: Three of Michael (reversed), Ace of Gabriel, Queen of Gabriel (reversed), Ace of Michael

The Ravenswood Oracle: Independence (reversed), Stepping Away

Pixie’s Astounding Lenormand: Rider, Gentleman, Stork

The Hot Tea: You’re being manipulated, sis. There. Now you’ve been warned. Wake the fuck up and take control of your life.

Maybe it’s unintentional. Maybe it is a targeted attack because your vulnerabilities are making you a prime victim of someone’s machination. And their ammo? Emotional blackmail.

Take a step back and look at the people around you. Are you deliberately giving more than you have to please someone else? Are you dulling your shine just because you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes? Are you caught up with an idea you put forth in your head that it’s coloring your every move? Well, this has got to stop. Periodt.

The Universe has had enough of you playing martyr. Take a new role, sweetie. January is asking you to know your worth.

All About Werq: You’ve got it all wrong in your head this time. You’re seeing enemies everywhere and you’re isolating yourself further from the pack at work. This is not a good look. Remember the general energy above? When it comes to manipulation energy at work, the one who planted that seed is you.

Have you been too caught up in your own analysis of those around you? Are you sure that you’re seeing things for what they are or you’ve been letting your imagination fill in the void of clear information? You may act like those around you have been plotting against you when it’s a simple case of misunderstanding – and your actions toward them just make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You may be trying to avert failures, but you have to remove your emotions from the equation. Maybe there were things said that could be misconstrued and hurt your feelings. Or things are done without your knowledge and you suspect some backdoor manoeuvring is happening to put you at a disadvantage.

Stop. Just stop. Take a breather – find whatever allies you have left and ask them what the actual fuck is going on. You need them. You need team work. You need to stop yourself from damaging your own reputation. Your thought process is all over the place right now and what you need is several objective observers to explain their take on things in January.

The end result won’t be good if you keep this up. If you find yourself in situations where you feel riled up and ready to attack – step away. Sometimes our emotions and thoughts get the best of us. Go take a salt bath and cleanse your aura and chill.

Love & Lust: Someone or an idea is holding you hostage. LET THEM GO. Because you’re not seeing someone new that is coming your way (or may already be here), because the past is having such a tight grasp on your psyche.

Right now your ability in gatekeeping what is useful and what is toxic to you, is impaired. It  happens to the best of us from time to time, but this is getting out of hand. What is it about a person from your past or this old idea you have about love that you refuse to let go? How long have you held on to it? Ask yourself this: if it’s that good for you, why hasn’t it worked out? LOL see? 

Uggh. Perform this cleansing ritual: Watch this video 5 times a day, drink kale smoothies and meditate. Maybe you’ll start making some damn sense.

See how much lighter you feel without those excess baggage? Now you’re ready to open up to love that is not toxic.


Tarot of the Haunted House: 9 of Wands, 10 of Cups, 8 of Pentacles (reversed), Sun

Tarot of Sexual Magic: 10 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords (reversed), Knight of Wands, 2 of Pentacles (reversed)

Believe in Your Own Magic Oracle: Protest, Shark

Under the Roses Lenormand: Letter, Snake, Rider

The Hot Tea: There are things beyond our control. No matter how much we try, it’s just part of the ebb and flow of life. That is something a lot of us struggle to accept. This is definitely causing you a ton of anxiety and restless nights.

In times like these, you need to exercise a lot of discernment on information that you receive. Just because you receive it from your good Judy, doesn’t mean that it’s accurate. It’s not like that bitch is trying to sabotage you, sometimes they may not have the full picture. Gurl, we been knew not all gossip is factual. Why you acting brand new?

January is like super tense for you. Like, super tense. Tons of negative thoughts going through your head right now about different aspects of your life.

All About Werq: Have you watched the latest Wonder Woman 1984? Well, bitch you need to raise your braces up and start deflecting negativities like she did with bullets. Right now, too many negative information are circulating and you’re like super restless about how true it is and the impact it’ll have on your paycheck.

The truth is, no matter what happens, you’ll bounce back. And that’s in the card. Because right now you’re doubting everything about your capabilities and that’s just doing nothing but causing you to spiral out of control.

Here’s what we need to know. In a messy economic climate like this, being laid off is not your fault. Periodt. It is what it is. You’re not doomed to never finding employment again. You’ve always got it, but sometimes situations are just not in your favor.

That doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen to you. Sometimes fear is just fear, and for the love of God, stand up to your negative thoughts. But if that moment happens, bitch never forget who you are and how far you’ve come. For some of you (keyword: ONLY SOME OF YOU) who may be affected, January is not a time for self-pity. Pick yourself back up and send out your resumé. 

See, the world is not ending. What’s panicking and crying going to do for you? Nothing. Time wasted on doing those, you could’ve casted a wider net to catch the right job.

Love & Lust: OK, at least love is looking very good for you – but there’s a catch. Uggh I know. It’s not my fault. I just read the damn cards. 

Here’s the thing. Everything is actually going to turn out in your favor – singles and couples – but minor ridiculous stuff like jumping to conclusions will fog up your perspective a bit. Stop it. Never act rashly, never lash out at your person of interest, and never act a fool. Just chill the fuck out and resolve things with a cool head and laser focus.

Things may seem like they’re a little difficult to juggle when it comes to matters of the heart, but once the issue is past, you’ll realize how silly it is and most probably due to miscommunication. 

January just likes to test your mental fortitude a bit. Just roll with it, sis.


Tarot de la Santa Muerte: 8 of Pentacles (reversed), Magician, 5 of Wands (reversed), 6 of Pentacles (reversed)

Romantic Tarot: 8 of Cups, Hanged Man, Judgement (reversed), Sun

Work Your Light Oracle Cards: I Remember (reversed), Baby Steps

Fin de Siecle Kipper: Unexpected Income, Occupation, Imprisonment

The Hot Tea: Real talk, we need to talk about goals and direction in your life right now. Because as it stands, you’re just barely hanging on right now and it’s like you’re going through the motion of living, but not actually living in the moment.

Unfulfilled expectations, stagnancy, giving only 50% of what you’re capable of, retreating from challenges, and depending solely on the kindness of others – this is not a good look on you, sis.

Even if some of you are pretty much on a stable path at the moment, there’s a tendency to avoid challenges and looking towards alternatives for more satisfying living experiences. 

I want to say that life is holding you down from showing your true potential and reaching your limits, but this is self-imposed. There’s gotta be more to life! And January will show you signs for you to break out from the monotony of living and show you a new path to take. But do you want to? It’s literally up to you.

All About Werq: First step, take a deep breath, you don’t need a reason why. Listen to Fantasia, sis. According to her, even angels learn to fly. Stop overthinking things and bringing yourself down with feelings of helplessness.

A self-imposed barrier is highlighted strongly in your reading with multiples of 8 present. A lot of it is just psychological, henny. Something’s gotta give: Stay where you are for the predictability, or jump off to chase after your heart’s desires.

Are you afraid of a little challenge? Do you feel like you’re not good enough and this is the best that you’re going to achieve? Do you prefer the comfort of a salaried job versus venturing out on your own? The What Ifs. So many What Ifs keeping you small, trapped and unsatisfied.

No one is asking you to leave everything behind to start a new path. But how about taking a slice out of your free time to research a little about that dream job. Perhaps it’s for a different position you’ve been eyeing for a while. Go do your research and find out if you’re the right fit. Perhaps it’s materializing your dreams of starting your own venture. Just take the first step – that’s all, and see where it goes.

For others, expect an upgrade to your position at work. New contract perhaps that will see extra cash and perks coming your way but that comes at a price – being contractually bound to your current workplace for a longer time.

I mean, it’s not a bad thing. Go do up a list of the pros and cons of this. Can you afford the time to pursue something you love on the side so this new step-up doesn’t feel like a burden? Bitch, it’s a mindset thing. If you feel like everything is an imposition on you then you’ll never snap out of that mindset. Perhaps squeeze in a spa day to destress. Look at your weekly activities and weed out unnecessary ones to make time to focus on a pet project. 

Just do something different this month. Stop being a fatalist and feel like you’re just hopelessly going through the motion of what life has placed upon you. You’re more in control of your life than you think.

Love & Lust: Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Perhaps not. 

There’s a sense that you feel like you need to give up something you already have to fulfill what your heart truly desires – and this could go either way.

Thinking of walking out on them because there’s something better out there and you fucking know it already? Ready to leave behind your single status and post a couples photo to make your relationship insta-official? Did they pop the question and is insistent on tying the knot? 

Well whatever it is, you’re asked to leave the state of being you are used to and to jump into foreign territory.

As much as I love a messy queen, this is love we’re talking about here. Have you considered this to be the right move? Right now there’s a lot of indecision and it rests solely on YOU. Yes, YOU. Bitch make a decision.

You’re thinking “OMG that’s literally what I want answers to! Like so what is the outcome going to be?!” Well, the Sun card here promises happiness and success in the decision you’re about to make. But I will not be legally responsible for any mess that may come from the decision. Like, seriously, I can’t believe I still have to write that.

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